Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Story time!

Do I need to post, or I do I need to post? Yeesh.
So, I was wondering. I started writing a book....hold on. So, so far I have written one book for a series I'm planning on starting. It's called 'The Way They Met.' Now I'm on the second book, 'The Dragon's Girl.'
But, as it is, 'The Dragon's Girl' is on the computer in Louisiana, and I. Well, I, am in FLORIDA!! So my third book is on here instead.
But I desperately need some critiques. I would love different opinions from different people. Rachel R. is helping me a lot, but I would love YOUR opinions (as well as Rachel R.'s.).
DO NOT be afraid to tell me if you hate it or what. If this part should be omitted, and that this part is awesome. Also, I think I might be stuck on a title!!

Charles couldn't help it. He quivered slightly in his thick coat. He had never been captured by pirates before, but it seemed like he would be captured by them now.
"They're boarding us!" a cry rang out.
Charles heard his friend Violet screaming in the dark.
"No, heaven help us that that should ever happen!" Violet wept.
"Violet, it's okay, it's--ahhh!" A sword plunged into the wood, inches from Charles's face.
"Down below, ye yellowed-belly rats!" a rough voice called out. "They're all below, all the prisoners. Think of the ransom, ye scurvy underdogs!"
Suddenly, the door that had kept the pirates from their victims burst open, and in stormed five pirates.
Two were shirtless, with muscles bulging on their tattooed arms. All were armed with pistols and cutlasses. A pirate with two guns jumped in front of the rest, though he was the smallest of the crowd, and waved his fellows on.
"Get them, men!" he shrieked. "We'll take 'em all for prisoners, and have the ransom all for ourselves, and none for that rotten rat of a captain."
The pirates advanced, grabbing everyone on sight. Many girls fainted. Actually, all the girls fainted.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Two days later...
Charles groaned with closed eyes. For now, he was the only one awake. Everyone was sleeping soundly. They should be. It was midnight, and anyone that was awake would be complaining of how sore they were because their beds were wooden.
Charles started when he heard a loud scraping noise above, accompanied by a big thud.
"What did I tell you? Be. Careful!" Charles heard someone hiss. "If you stumble one more time, you'll get thrown to the sharks!"
Charles sneaked to the door and peered through a hole that he had whittled. There were about ten pirates creeping stealthily toward the captain's door.
It's a mutiny, Charles realized. They're going to take over.
Charles prayed fervently that the new captain would be nice. He stalked over to the darkest corner and waited there for what seemed like hours, waiting for...what? He couldn't be sure.
Charles awoke with a start. He couldn't remember when he fell asleep. He crept to the door. It was dawn.
He stepped back. Good idea, because just after he had taken that step, the door burst open. Charles looked at where the door handle had punctured the wall. That could have been his face.
"The cap'n wants to see you. One at a time," said the pirate that had torn open the door. Then, with a vicious grin, he added, "the new captain."

* * * * * * * * * * * *
Charles sighed. He was tired of waiting. For some reason, he was the last person in the room. What had happened to everyone else? Why hadn't they come back? When was it going to be his turn?
The door flew open.
I guess it's my turn now, Charles thought.
He sighed again and walked over to the pirate, who gave him a toothless grin.
"We'll see what becomes of you now, eh, pretty boy?" the pirate gave a harsh laugh.
Charles didn't say anything, just followed the ever-grinning toothless pirate. The pirate finally stopped in front of the captain's--the new captain's, mind you--cabin door.
"Cap'n? I gawt the last one," the toothless pirate said, opening the door.
"Oh, Berty, Berty," groaned a feminine voice. Charles blinked. He didn't remember seeing any girl pirates. "How many times have I told you? It's 'I have the last one,' not 'I got.' Honestly."
Charles blinked again. There was a black-haired girl sitting at the captain's desk.
"Tell her your name," the toothless pirate named Berty whispered in Charles's ear. Charles stifled a cough. What had Berty been eating??
"Charles Windbourgh the Fourth," Charlses pronounced loudly.
The new captain stood up. She walked over to Charles.
"Well, Charles Windbag the Fourth," she said. "I'm the... Marauder. I'm the new captain."

I am totally open to suggestions as to a title, plus I really want to hear what you think of the story.
Thanks for reading!! :)



  1. Well, I won't try to pretend I'm good at writing. But it's an easy read and leaves no room for confusion. I can't think of a name if I don't know whats gonna happen. Like if he's becomes a pirate himself or if he takes over the ship and conquer's the pirates....ect......

    Emma of Tin Lane

    Ps. I like it so far very adventurous and fast paced!

    1. Well, thanks, Emma!

      But you are right, too. I guess I should write more and then give you a good idea of what's going to happen, because I will tell you something. I am TERRIBLE of thinking about names for stories. lol :)


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