Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Contest Critiques

Oh, did I tell you that I entered a contest? The winner got an autographed copy of the fourth book in a series, and mug (and probably something else). second place got a mug with the books' pictures on them, and third place also got a mug.
But winning first, second, and third also meant that the judges' really like your story.
I didn't win, but I got some critiques and comments! I loved reading them; they were very helpful and one of them made me laugh out loud (I don't normally do that when I read something)
Here is my poem (revised since the first time I posted it)

When Una came of age,
Suitors came on her life’s stage,
Among them a dreaded prince.

That dreaded prince
(Whom Felix fenced)
Was the Prince Aethelbald.

That lovelorn prince
She had hated since
The day that she had met him.

Princess Una said
“I refuse to wed
That odd Prince Aethelbald.”

Her loathing grew
After quite a few
Restless, hot nights.

During those nights,
Una’s ring became tight
And singed her finger.

Prince Aethelbald tried
To help her fried
And aching dainty hands.

But Una did not relent
To this poor kind gent
And instead walked away.

She soon fell in a trance
Of sighing romance
Swooning for the king’s jester.

The jester, she found out
Though people thought him a lout
Was Prince Lionheart in disguise.

She gave him her ring
(And inside, it made him sing!)
And joyfully, he departed.

But he soon betrayed
Una, that fair maid
And gave her ring away.

Una finally became
No longer quite so tame
When she became a dragon.

But lo and behold,
That prince so bold
Rescued Princess Una.
By the prince’s arts,
He changed her heart
Formed it like his own.

Una relented,
Formally repented
And gave up her hardness of heart.

So Una finally married
And then she got carried
To Aethelbald’s kingdom.

And so it ends
All become friends
And live Happily Ever After.

Judges' Comments

Helpful Critiques:

Judge #1: One potential problem that can arise when a poet works within the confines of a set rhyme scheme, however, is that the proper word for a given line doesn’t always rhyme with the line before it. This forces the poet to reach and stretch for words that rhyme but don’t really fit, giving the poem a contrived feeling (“age/life’s stage”). Be careful when working with rhyme; if you can’t find the proper word that will still rhyme with the previous line, consider changing the previous line.

Judge #2: It would have been nice to have a verse about the dragon and Eanrin, since they’re such major characters, especially since it’s the dragon that causes Una to become one herself, and then it’s the dragon that Aethelbald has to slay to rescue her. Since all the other factors of the novel were so well covered in the poem, the fact that the dragon isn’t afforded a verse seems amiss.

Judge #3: When I read it aloud, the meter worked in a 2-2-3 beat most of the time, but some of the stanzas could use some adjusting, especially the first one. But it was still fun!

Encouraging Word:

Judge #1: This poem does an admirable job of sticking to its established rhyme scheme (aabccd) throughout the poem, which is of considerable length. Well done!

Judge #2: It was fun to see the whole of Heartless in this poem. I especially got a kick out of the verse about Una’s “fried” hands. The writer has a admirably quirky sense of humor, which is appreciated.

Judge #3: Clever rhymes and a nice storytelling flow here!

Judge #2 in the Encouraging Word was the one that made me laugh. I ave a professional judge tell me I have a quirky sense of humor (which is appreciated) and that made me feel really good. And it made me laugh.
I loved reading the other comments, and I'm hoping for another writing contest, which, if you want, I can write the story and share it with you.
I won't be offended if you DON'T want me to post the story, but I WILL post it if you don't say anything. So tell me if you want me to post it or not, 'cause I know that there will be another story writing contest soon.


1 comment:

  1. I thought your poem was really good! Being Christies sister, I guess you would like having a "Quirky" sense of humor;)

    Emma of Tin Lane


¡Me encantan los comentarios!
(I love comments!)