Moonblood Prologue

Anne Elisabeth Stengl wrote the series 'Tales of Goldstone Wood,' a fantasy book with dragons, princesses, princes, faeries....even a unicorn in one book.
The first book she wrote was Heartless, then Veiled Rose, Moonblood, and Starflower. Starflower is not out yet, but it will be available in October, I believe.
I follow Anne Elisabeth's blog at anneelisabethstengl.blogspot.com and every now and then she hold contests and giveaways.
I won Moonblood from a giveaway; my name came up on the randomizer, but to enter, I had to write a blog post about one of her books. I did a while back, if you remember.
A recent contest, one of my dear friends Clara won third place! It was a short story (or poem) contest. There were 24 submissions in all. I entered in a poem (see post below) and very much enjoyed reading the judge's critiques and comments.
But Clara!! I was very excited for her. :)

Well, one of these days I'm hoping the Anne Elisabeth will hold another fanfiction contest. When I wrote the poem in the post below, I had no book to reread to see if I could have put something else in that I had forgotten.
Now, since I own Moonblood, I have a book to work with.
So I went ahead and did a poem for the Moonblood prologue, where you can read the prologue (yet you don't get all of it, because sometime I left out something) but this is to get you interested or tell me what you think of the poem. Be honest! Please. Pretty please with a cherry on top. :)

The Palace Var
The land of the Veiled People
In Vahe's land, far,
The Queen of Arpiar
Gave birth to a daughter
The Princess Varvare.
King Vahe cried,
"A daughter! A pretty daughter,
my pretty bride."
Queen Anahid was afraid
And when Vahe left,
Anahid turned to her maid.
"Bring me clothes and a cloak of midnight."
But the maids did not stir for fear of Vahe.
They just stared, frozen in fright.
The queen stood, and the princess cried.
The maids leapt to attend to their needs.
A maid went to the crib where the babe lied,
Gently lifted her out, and gave her to the queen.
"Tell no one I have gone," she said, striding to the door.
Anahid made her ways through the corriders, unseen.
"I swore I would never call upon you again,"
she said, but it was from the voice of her heart.
Breaking her vow made it feel like a sin.
An answer came close to her ear in the voice of birdsong.
I am always waiting for you, child.
Anahid stepped onto a Path, feeling gratitude, and feeling wrong.
She followed the birdsong, until the Path ended finally.
Anahid took a breath and almost gagged.
"The Near World," she said. "I smell mortality."
But the birdsong just said simply, Follow me.
The unicorn sang, Anahid started to run, but fell.
The birdsong reassured her; the queen got to her feet, moving unsteadily.
Anahid placed the babe underneath a bush,
A rose bush, with roses big and red
And leaves so green and lush.
Your child is safe in my protection, now and always.
"Then I shall return to Arpiar glad."
The bird told her she was not bound, that she may stay.
"I will return," she said.
"Oi! Who's there!" an old voice cried out.
A stocky mortal man knelt under the roses red.
I claim her as one of mine, sang the wood thrush to Anahid.
The queen watched the gardener lift her child,
Then unwilling to see more, the queen bowed her head.
Then she vanished down the trail, into the Wilderlands below.
The unicorn met her there.


Ta Da!! That's all I have for now, but I'll be working on it some more. I found that I am better at poems than I am for short stories about the book, so there will probably be more poems coming up.
Don't worry, they're not all about the prologue. :)

Cheerio, and I hope you liked my poem! Tell me if there's anything wrong with it!
Molly

Contest Critiques

Oh, did I tell you that I entered a contest? The winner got an autographed copy of the fourth book in a series, and mug (and probably something else). second place got a mug with the books' pictures on them, and third place also got a mug.
But winning first, second, and third also meant that the judges' really like your story.
I didn't win, but I got some critiques and comments! I loved reading them; they were very helpful and one of them made me laugh out loud (I don't normally do that when I read something)
Here is my poem (revised since the first time I posted it)

When Una came of age,
Suitors came on her life’s stage,
Among them a dreaded prince.

That dreaded prince
(Whom Felix fenced)
Was the Prince Aethelbald.

That lovelorn prince
She had hated since
The day that she had met him.

Princess Una said
“I refuse to wed
That odd Prince Aethelbald.”

Her loathing grew
After quite a few
Restless, hot nights.

During those nights,
Una’s ring became tight
And singed her finger.

Prince Aethelbald tried
To help her fried
And aching dainty hands.

But Una did not relent
To this poor kind gent
And instead walked away.

She soon fell in a trance
Of sighing romance
Swooning for the king’s jester.

The jester, she found out
Though people thought him a lout
Was Prince Lionheart in disguise.

She gave him her ring
(And inside, it made him sing!)
And joyfully, he departed.

But he soon betrayed
Una, that fair maid
And gave her ring away.

Una finally became
No longer quite so tame
When she became a dragon.

But lo and behold,
That prince so bold
Rescued Princess Una.
By the prince’s arts,
He changed her heart
Formed it like his own.

Una relented,
Formally repented
And gave up her hardness of heart.

So Una finally married
And then she got carried
To Aethelbald’s kingdom.

And so it ends
All become friends
And live Happily Ever After.

Judges' Comments

Helpful Critiques:

Judge #1: One potential problem that can arise when a poet works within the confines of a set rhyme scheme, however, is that the proper word for a given line doesn’t always rhyme with the line before it. This forces the poet to reach and stretch for words that rhyme but don’t really fit, giving the poem a contrived feeling (“age/life’s stage”). Be careful when working with rhyme; if you can’t find the proper word that will still rhyme with the previous line, consider changing the previous line.

Judge #2: It would have been nice to have a verse about the dragon and Eanrin, since they’re such major characters, especially since it’s the dragon that causes Una to become one herself, and then it’s the dragon that Aethelbald has to slay to rescue her. Since all the other factors of the novel were so well covered in the poem, the fact that the dragon isn’t afforded a verse seems amiss.

Judge #3: When I read it aloud, the meter worked in a 2-2-3 beat most of the time, but some of the stanzas could use some adjusting, especially the first one. But it was still fun!

Encouraging Word:

Judge #1: This poem does an admirable job of sticking to its established rhyme scheme (aabccd) throughout the poem, which is of considerable length. Well done!

Judge #2: It was fun to see the whole of Heartless in this poem. I especially got a kick out of the verse about Una’s “fried” hands. The writer has a admirably quirky sense of humor, which is appreciated.

Judge #3: Clever rhymes and a nice storytelling flow here!

Judge #2 in the Encouraging Word was the one that made me laugh. I ave a professional judge tell me I have a quirky sense of humor (which is appreciated) and that made me feel really good. And it made me laugh.
I loved reading the other comments, and I'm hoping for another writing contest, which, if you want, I can write the story and share it with you.
I won't be offended if you DON'T want me to post the story, but I WILL post it if you don't say anything. So tell me if you want me to post it or not, 'cause I know that there will be another story writing contest soon.

Cheerio!
Molly

A Scar I have and It's Story

30 Day Challenge Day 28

(see above; post title) that's what this is about.
Um, I have a ton of scars, but I think I'll choose the one on my knee.
Oops, I have scar on BOTH knees. So never mind
right knee.
In the story, I shall name a day, but I really don't know what day it happened on.
This happened a few years ago, maybe in 2008 or something.
As this is a story, I am making everything up except when I get my cut, so I'll put two stars at the beginning of a sentence to let you know when the real part is.

---ahem---

It was a rainy day on Monday. Thunder cracked, and lightning flashed, lighting up everything in a split second.
Molly was staring out the window, cursing the rain silently for spoiling her day of fun that she had had planned out.
Sam was in the sunroom, playing with his cars. He stopped for a moment to glance outside, looking wistfully at all the puddles the rain was making.
Christie was writing in her diary. She loved rain, so nothing was really wrong, except that she wanted to play outside in the puddles.

About an hour later, the rain stopped, much to the joy of Christie, Molly, and Sam. (Emmy was 'busy' playing with her toys, so she didn't really mind anything)
Hurriedly putting on their swimsuits, Christie, Molly, and Sam smiled at the prospect of being able to play in the puddles.
They rushed outside and went to the ditches. The ditches were usually ALWAYS dry and never had anything in them, and weren't much of ditches, but now, they were like swimming pools, except that the water only came up to their knees.
Smiling at eachother, the trio began to splash eachother and push eachother until they fell down and got drenched.
Then they would laugh and try to drag eachother down. They were having such fun, until...
**Christie pushed Molly, who started to laugh, but quickly lost her beaming face when she struck a hidden branch under the water that gashed her knee.
They ran home, while Molly wished that this hadn't happened and spoiled their fun.
Mama fixed everything up and everything was better.
Except that now they couldn't go back out and play, because Mama didn't want anyone else getting hurt.
So Molly's knee quickly healed but is a scar that can be seen even to this day.
That is her scar that she has, and it's (a) story.

THE END.
-----
I have another scar that I could do a little story about, but it's not quite as dramatic. Like when I was running and I fell off the curb and it's the longest scar I have ever had and have. And when I was jumping on our new fireplace and I slipped and cut my foot in two places but nobody can really see the scars unless you look very carefully.
And when I fell off a friend's skateboard and scarred my knee again and my elbow.
Oh, and when I tried to slip past a gate but it cut me on the stomach and it's a scar (that can hardly be seen, but it's there).
Trust me, I have maybe more than eight scars.
Or more than more.
"A million million."

Cheerio.